BRIDGE ON THE RIVER KWAI
Madness, madness, madness! Ron Swanson would never.
The Bridge on the River Kwai is a 1957 landmark film directed by David Lean, starring Alec Guinness and William Holden, and based on the 1952 novel written by Pierre Boulle. I had never seen it until 2024, which I know, GASP. And I finally put it in the queue after watching Ron Swanson, the libertarian-woodworking-man’s-man of Parks and Rec, repeatedly refer to its greatness.
Luckily, Nick Offerman just came out with his 4th Lagavulin iteration. Find out more here.
Let me preface this by saying… this is not going to be a popular recipe for die-hard BotRK or Ron Swanson fans, to say the least. As y’all know, I do not eat meat-meat (I do eat fish-fish, and yes I see how this is a contradiction-contradiction), so being inspired to create a sandwich recipe by Ron Swanson that involves meatless meat, well…
But I don’t care, because basically, Ron Swanson is the king of loving this movie (well, king if you rewatch Parks & Rec a thousand times a week), and therefore, I had to make a stake [sic] sandwich. Plus I’ve been really interested in the Unreal Deli Steak Slices. I think Ron would appreciate only my steadfast commitment to creating something I would like. Otherwise, I’d be toast.
Want the recipe? It’s super simple. Sub real steak if you’d like, but also, remember that a fantastic cut of beef made into a sandwich that’s not a hamburger, is a waste of good cow. And that would be more insulting to Ron than me making fake-stake. Please and thank you.
Unreal Deli Steak Slices, sauteed in olive oil until a little crispy
A really good bread that tastes delicious on its own; I used Jalapeno & Cheddar Chopped Bread from Sprouts. I warmed it in the pan alongside the steak slices.
Crisp Romaine (egads, a green as well! Ron would kill me!)
Muenster from the deli counter! Texans, you know where I went.
In keeping with good ol’ fashioned American values, I used French’s yellow mustard (again, to taste). However, I don’t think a dijon would be out of place here.
Tbh, this was a really satisfying lunch. But how do I feel about the movie? While it’s not my favorite war movie, it is definitely a classic and deserves a watch (if you haven’t seen it before). The cinematography reminds me of a 1970s jigsaw puzzle, but that’s how most of these mid-century movies — BotRK is from ‘57 — look to me. That’s probably a personal brainhole thing.
In researching the film, I stumbled across a fantastic blog that goes into the book by Boulle, and how it fueled the cinematic masterpiece it is today: The 2nd Annual William Holden Blogathon: «The Bridge on the River Kwai» (1957). I really recommend reading it, as it’s super well-researched and gives context not only to the storyline, but also dives into the spats on set (oh ho ho and there were spats!). Enjoy!
Resources:
Back to the Golden Days: An Old Hollywood Blog
Ebert’s review of BotRK from 1999
Want more Ron Swanson & the River Kwai? Watch the Parks & Rec episode, Eagleton.
Ron Swanson’s meat quotes & his pyramid of greatness
A blog about recreating Ron Swanson’s River Kwai birthday dinner
Press release about Offerman/Lagavulin 4th Scotch
